It was a Friday. We drove about four hours from Zurich that morning. The day before we rode that concrete pump track crossed with Gorge rd type thing, and also the amazing bowl across the road from it. Chester, Adam, Craig and myself. After camping in the rain next to a lake the previous night it was good to catch up with Steph. I had met her down at Vic Park about 8 months earlier in the New Zealand summer. “If you ever come to Switzerland let me know” she said. “Yeah sweet will do!” I politely replied thinking, can’t imagine myself there anytime soon!

This morning was no different, packed back in to our small Ford Focus with a pumping headache after yet another heavy night out drinking to top off the slaughter our livers and kidneys had endured the last three and a half weeks we were headed north! Leaving Steph’s small town we followed the road winding through the beautiful alps, endless tunnels and along lake shores. All the way to Hard. Hard is on the tip of Austria, on the Lake of Constance. Craig had been saying good things about this park that was in Hard. And good things they were!

On the picturesque lake front at the base of the alps, it was quite a sight to behold, and the was a bad as fuck bowl there!! Bikes off and car unloaded. We sessioned this place for about three and a half hours. There was a big kidney shaped bowl on the far side and in the shallow end it had a shotgun coping spine into the rest of the park. The rest of the park was itself all bowled in from six foot quarters down to two foot, it had it all. Hipping and cornering around an awesome centre piece that too had endless lines. I was feeling good back on my bike again. The first real ride since being drilled a couple of weeks earlier back in France. My wrist was tweaked bad but was good enough to ride now, (it still gives me grief today). Everyone was ripping! Craig was ripping as if he used to be pro or something! I shot some photos, we talked some shit, Good times were had!

The complex 3D puzzle of car/bikes/all the shit jammed in everywhere was again complete and we once again on the road headed north. Now the town of Hard is kind of like passing through Huntly. It’s small and on the main route sandwiched between the Swiss and the Germans. Before we knew it we were passing the welcome to Bravia sign and on to the Autobahn. With our small right hand drive car weighed down and packed up so tight we had nothing on what was flying by at what seemed to be the speed of light. Trying to keep up the $5 ratchet strap tie downs were buzzing in the wind and the whole car shaking. If tied down correctly, this was no issue but this time it was bad especially trying to haul ass keeping up with the speed of light. We pulled into the first road side to make some minor adjustments. Reduced to walking pace we were behind a loaded semi truck stacked with cars when we pulled in.

Suddenly noticing how full it was, every car had all its belongings littered over every empty car park. “What’s going on here?”, there were about 30 cop cars and people every where. Quite strange.
Before we knew what was going on a German Cop was bashing hard on my drivers window. He looked like Action Man. Tall, serious and with a squared off military hair cut, he probably thought he’d won the lottery when we turned up. “Documents!” he yelled! “Have you been drinking?”, “Have you any drugs?”, He asked In his German accent. “No”.

Forced to park up the rest of action mans mates surrounded the car. Passports were handed in and asses were sat on the curb side. While sniffer dogs gave the car a “few” once overs, I was pulled to the side away from everyone. “Sir we think you have been drinking”. “Na mate not today, we’ve a long drive to go tonight”. “Ok sir, we will do this test. Stand completely straight, hands by your side, feet together, close your eyes, lean your head back as far as you can and tell me when 30 seconds is up” the German accent directed. Yeah right-o I thought. This is actually harder than you think, and being as nervous as I was I only got to seven seconds before I was trembling so bad I had to stop. Standing on an uneven curb cut didn’t do much to help either.

“Ok sir we believe you are intoxicated or under the influence of drugs”. “Na mate, I’m sweet as”. But Germania wasn’t having a bar! “We will now test you for alcohol, anphetines, opiates, cocane and cannibis”. “What here?” I asked. We walked into a smelly dark shit hole of a road side public toilet. Action man busted out a sample cup. He said something about pissing in the sample cup, I knew what to do, it was obvious you idiot! Standing there next to me he was directly watching what I was doing. I managed to get a small trickle started, about quarter of a cup. Dark golden, hung over, the last 3 and a half weeks of piss drinking and partying was in front of him. We exited the toilet block.

Bags empty and belongings still laided out. My ass joined the rest and we watched these guys frisk every square millimetre of the car. Action mans mates were loving it! They even had two blokes with their hands in and around the hot engine. In case there was somthing hidden there! Outrageous! An American, two English and a Kiwi passport they didn’t know what to think of this odd combination. It’s hard enough to explain BMX to the average joe, let alone an action figure determined on catch us out doing something wrong in his land.

With the litmus paper the correct colour meaning a passed result Action man gave back the documents. “Velcome to Dzermany” he said. The dog was still going through the bags for the sixth time in case it had missed something the five times before that, but we were good!

The 3D puzzle was again, packed up. Bikes re-strapped (properly) and the autobahn was taking us north to Munich. Probably a good thing that our Swiss mates from the night before were to tight to sell Chester any hooch!

It was a good laugh afterwards!

– Words by Louis Bolter
Cover photo: Craig Stevens by Louis Bolter